Anita Chlipala

Anita Chlipala

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Love

A Woman’s Top Dating Mistake

You finally met someone. You’ve had several email and text exchanges, and maybe had a date or two. You think this person is great, and you wonder if he could be “The One”?

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The only problem is, you barely even know the guy.

Have you ever built a guy up in your head before actually meeting him or only after a few dates? I work with many women who get caught up in meeting someone new. They tell me how much they really like him and how they hope things will work out. If it won’t, they’ll be devastated and think they will never find love.

Slow. It. Down.

When you first meet someone, sure it’s fun to be so excited at this new prospect, but you also have to keep a level head. If you put your date on a pedestal by idealizing him, you risk feeling more self-conscious, the need to prove yourself to him, and doing whatever it takes to win him over and get him to like you.

You’re also much more likely to miss red flags because you only see what you want to see – you want things to work so badly that you ignore or dismiss problems. And what if things don’t progress beyond the first few dates? If you’ve fantasized about a future together, you’ll be crushed, and your self-esteem can take a major hit.

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One of the most common things I hear as a dating coach is, “What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t that person like me?” I know it can be hard, but don’t base your self-worth on what happens after that first date or first few dates.
Your date is still a stranger to you. You don’t know this guy well enough yet to truly know why he stopped seeing you. There are so many variables (like timing, stress at work or an ex coming back into the picture) that affect dating that I encourage you not to take things personally.

And some of my clients are so focused on getting the guy to like them that they forget to ask themselves, “Do I even like him?” I’m not talking about experiencing feelings of infatuation, but can you truly name several qualities or values that you admire about your date? It’s simple to list common interests, but it’s easier on a long-term relationship when a couple shares similar values. It takes time to see how your date lives out his values; it’s not something you can fully know on just a date or two.

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It takes time to get to know someone. If you’re dating for a long-term relationship, you want to take your time to determine if your guy is a good fit for you. Fantasizing about a relationship without even knowing him will leave you with more to lose than gain.

 

Love

Two Pieces of Bad First Date Advice That You Shouldn’t Listen to

By Anita Chlipala | @AnitaOnLove

There’s so much dating advice on the internet these days, and some of it makes me cringe, especially when it comes to what not to do on a first date. The first date is particularly important because as much as you may text each other before the date, nothing matters more than first impressions and the conversation that follows. Below are two pieces of bad first date advice that you should never follow: Read More

Love

14 Days of Love & Romance

By Anita Chlipala | @AnitaOnLove

Although I think it’s important to make big displays of love – like Valentine’s Day – the little moments count a lot more in maintaining romance and stability in a relationship. Expressing day-to-day attention, affection and gratitude is essential to strengthening your love for your partner. Read More

Love

Say Hello to Great Love in the New Year

I love the New Year. It’s a time to hit the reset button and make sure that you’re creating the kind of life you desire. I want only the best for you in your love life, and have pulled together a few of my favorite resolutions to ensure that you get just that! So whether you’re in a relationship or single, here are ways to say hello to great love in the New Year 2016. Read More

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